Frustration and patience. Oh, and I got a tattoo.

First of all, I would just like to say that I have so much respect for women in my position. I know that I go through some stuff every now and then that I sometimes don't like to talk about but it's really nothing compared to what you ladies have to go through.  Not just from a physical perspective but also from a mental one as well. Huge props to y'all. The spring semester just started and I’ve been a little distracted by dumb and random things. I really need to focus and get back in the groove, which kind of got me thinking about something that I’ve been meaning to write about on here. Do you guys ever get frustrated? I get a hella frustrated sometimes. It’s not often and that might be due to the fact that I am such a laid back person but it happens. When you get injured it’s like starting over and you have to teach yourself how to do everything all over again in the new way.  I have seen a lot of people who have had a spinal cord injury really just loose it at this stage. And I can totally relate because your body’s not working with you, everything takes forever, everything is harder, some things you just can’t do and you’re simply just going through some shit. (Sorry!)


 Everyone deals with this stage in a different way. It can be really difficult on the people around you because they don’t know how to help which only leads to you being more frustrated. Okay, I’m about to say something that is totally unlike me and I might regret saying this later but unless you’re going through that stage with somebody that has your exact same injury and even if you have 1 million family members supporting you and there with you, you’re on your own.  This doesn’t go for those of us with spinal cord injuries that just can’t physically do stuff or for those of us who are happy with somebody else taking care of you. But just because you’re on your own it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. This is the time where you can really turn the corner and decide to get up from your you know what and create a big picture for yourself. Having a spinal cord injury takes a lot of patience, you just have to take your time and look forward towards the bigger picture. I’m going to make a lot of references to the bigger picture because it’s really what got me through and helped me master my patience. All I had to do was see one person do it on YouTube or in real live and I knew it could be done.  I’m a competitive person so I couldn’t let some dude on YouTube out-quad me.  This goes for dressing, transfers, cooking and all that good stuff. It’s really up to you to create a better life for yourself after a spinal cord injury but having friends there makes a world of difference also. J

They did for me.

 To tell y’all the truth I feel like I’ve gotten past that stage and everything is kind of routine for me at the moment. At least that’s the way I feel about daily activities like dressing, brushing the teeth, and so on. But lately I’ve been getting so frustrated and as hard as I try to be patient these thoughts just keep creeping back into my head. In the perfect world where I have an unlimited bank account being a quadriplegic wouldn’t be so bad. I wake up every morning, get dressed, go to school, live, and go to bed. Normal stuff. The source of my frustration is transportation. I just wish I didn’t have to ride a bus 2 hours to get a loaf of bread or beer. Or when I ask a girl out, I want to be able to pick her up or surprise her spontaneously instead of having her pick me up and then take apart my wheelchair and put in the backseat or the trunk. This kills me! I can’t even put it in words how frustrating that is.  I literally looked at the phone for an hour before asking this girl if it would be okay. It was really embarrassing and even though she may not even care, it was tough. How about getting to school? I ride the bus almost 6 hours a day!  I hate asking for help. I’d rather ride the bus then ask someone for a ride. Damn my pride! The state of Florida helps quadriplegics or anyone with a disability accommodate their vehicle for driving as long as you provide the vehicle. Well, I’ve been saving for years but since I go to school full-time and spend half my day getting to and coming from school it’s kind of hard finding the time for a job. Also, if you hadn’t read any of my earlier posts I used to be a little bit of a troublemaker. I was really messing up my life. I lost my driving privileges and now that I’m trying to drive again getting those privileges back has become a lot harder and a lot more expensive than I ever thought it would be. I guess I should take my own advice, huh? Hahaha.

Dont forget your pressure points! lol

 You know what? I think I will. Haha  I know that I just have to be patient. And I know that it’s harder than it sounds but trust me it works. Do what you have to do, go outside and yell or woo-sah it out. All my friends are graduating and becoming  professionals and I had to  take three-years off and sometimes I get frustrated because I wish I could just be done with it already but then I sit down (wait a minute, I'm always sitting down) and look at the bigger picture and it calms me down. I know that it’s up to me to put the work in and that if I do that and stay of trouble I can do anything. And so can you! Look, I’m sorry about this post I don’t know if it’s just me but I feel like it is not flowing. I just can’t get into it but I’ve already written so much that…. There’s just no looking back now. Lol I hope that my point gets across. Things are going to frustrate you but if you set a plan for yourself, a reasonable plan, and work hard at it you got this.  All it takes is a little patience. Okay, maybe a lot of patience but I promise that in the end it’s all worth it.

You know what’s crazy? A lot of my friends don’t read my blog. I’m not very big on promoting this thing so it’s really kind of all my fault. Maybe I just like having this weird internet blog/diary life separate from my daily life, who knows. The thing is, I used to be a very party oriented person and I got into trouble and I thought I was the bees knees (I’ve been dying to use that one). The point is, I’m a much more humble person now than I was back then. While I still like to go out and have a good time drinking it up with my buddies it’s not really a part of my life that defines me anymore. This was a frustrating time in my life because since that had been such a big part of my identity I was kind of in a place that left me asking myself “who am I now?”.  I’m glad I figured that one out. I still make mistakes here and there but now I know what I want from myself and I’m working to better that person. But anyways, the point is sometimes I just don’t know how people that I used to know before my injury will react. Some of them only hanged out with me because of the atmosphere that came along.  Don't ever forget that whatever it is that you bring to the table, it’s special. Just because you look like a different person it does mean that you are. Maybe, like in my case, the new you is actually a better version.

Okay, now that I’ve butchered my whole frustration/patience post I can tell you about my awesome new tattoos. Well, it’s been a while since I got some ink  so I was pretty stoked about going to the shop. Like I said earlier I am one broke Mofo so  I’ve been saving up a lot of money in different bank accounts little by little for things I want. I’m a good saver, I have my car fund, my skydiving fund, and my tattoo fund along with many others. A dollar here and a dollar there go a long way. Anyways the plan is to get two shoulder sleeves but for now this is what I got. The reason am only getting shoulder sleeves is because while I don’t believe in discrimination in the job force I’m very aware that it exists so I want to make sure that a normal shirt will be able to cover up any of my tattoos. It’s just a personal choice, nothing against getting tattoos elsewhere. By the way I have way more than these but I’m not taking off my shirt.

 Once again Id like to apologize about this post. I really don’t know if it’s just me but every time I reread it I just can’t get into it. That’s kind of frustrating me! Haha You see what I did there? Right, well I guess this is adios people. I’ll try to write a better one next time. I’ll leave you with some music like I’ve been doing lately. This one is a little different so if you don’t like it too bad. Just kidding, just wait till next month I’m sure I’ll be into something else. I've just been crushing on a girl and when I'm crushing it's either something mushy or some screamo lol, makes sense right? It was either this or jason mraz.