Depression is no bueno.

I went to a Christmas party this past Wednesday. It was for a spinal cord support group at the Tampa General Hospital in Tampa. I was lucky that a friend was able to pick me up so I didn't have to wait for the bus again, you can waste half your day doing that sometimes... I can't wait to get a car again I'm too good looking to sit on the side of the road, I feel like a piece of meat (That was a joke). At this point of my life after my injury I really look forward to these meetings since I'm kind of in the fast-track to being independent and relatively new to my injury compared to a lot of the guys so I take the opportunity to pick their brains, if you haven't already you should definitely check out the nearest group... Or else! All of these guys seem really content with their lives and after seeing multiple cases and being in the situation myself I know that it may be hard to take the steps required to make your life better and reach that point, especially when everything seems to just SUCK, so hopefully this helps.

Everyone reacts to situations differently but being in an accident or having a disease that leaves you paralyzed will pretty much guarantee some rain on anyone's parade (that made me chuckle). The majority I guess fall into depression and rightly so. The first months even years (or more for some) are marked with illnesses, not being able to do much or anything for yourself, urinary tract infections, blood pressure jumps and drops, etc. It can be pretty demoralizing for anyone. I was lucky to not fall completely into this depression. I'm a relatively positive guy though and my whole life I've been really confident (borderline conceited really) so I used that to tell myself I was better than everyone else and I could get through it ha.. Take that depression. I don't really think that I'm better (I know it) but that's just the way I reacted and it's benefited me. This doesn't mean I was able to fully escape it though so here are the two moments where I feel I could have gone the complete opposite direction.

Up until this point I had taken my injury mostly by stride but hey everyone has a breaking point, right? I had been transferred to Atlanta to undergo special rehabilitation a few weeks after my injury and I was still in intensive care so I was to meet with my new doctor. When he came in I noticed that he was in a wheelchair, kinda cool huh. Well it wasn't haha. He was the most 'tell-it-to-you-as-it-is' dude I have ever met, without skipping a beat he told me I was pretty much a complete injury so I wasn't going to be getting any movement back then went off listing off things that I would require assistance with for the rest of my life like eating, bathing, peeing, pooping, yeah well he got me with pooping. Hahaha pooping was my limit. I broke down, I think this was the first time I really cried since I got hurt.. I mean reality hit REAL hard. I was depressed for a few days but it could have been much longer. (I later found out that I would be able to do all those things by myself thank you very much)

The second time came around my first new years being hurt (my birthday followed 6 days after so it was like a double whammy). I was doing just fine but there's something about that time of the year that makes you think about the future and I just let it get to me with dumb questions like who's going to want me now? What am I going to do with my life? And why me? To name a few. I was such an idiot. To make matters worst I actually tried to reach out to some ex-girlfriend of mine, I was delusional. If you knew me personally you would know that Luis Gonzales does not call his ex-girlfriends like some lost puppy he moves on to the next one like a boss... just kidding (for the record I'm still friends with this girl but I'm sure I sounded like an idiot and not like myself at all). I have never felt so low. BUT I am awesome and so are you. All those questions have easy answers I'm a beast and have no problems talking to women, I'm going back to school and getting a job, and this is just speed bump. I am never feeling sorry for myself ever again and anyone in this situation shouldn't either.

Don't forget who you are because that doesn't change and while things may sometimes be hard the only way to have a good life is to get over it. The sooner you get there the sooner you can start working towards something worthwhile. Once you start living depression tends to stay away, so stay active!